last time i crying...so scare

This is my most frantic panic I had ever experienced in my life. Now pounds, the type to write this entry I was reminded again that feeling tremors. Dead. Who is not afraid. Posted kinds of thought. Scared, anxious, and depressed. But, among all these feelings, a feeling that I was always thinking je, when I die later, so that she would be sad and wistful. That is, these feelings are hurt, that is absolutely because I think he will leave the without cause, and let her self alone. I really, truly afraid to leave her alone, and, I do not know, I feel ill. Maybe because I can imagine how sad, and to be dead. Scared, the oath I'm afraid. But still, I do not tell to anyone about this. Crazy,girl stories who I would die. If I want even at scare like shelves, is also wanted her. No, let me save a thing. Fearing the wistful thought he would be later. Even in a panic, I still loving, always missing her, and pretend like nothing happened, although in my heart, I always miss him dearly and are afraid to let her go.

Until the time of day to 7 in the period I was experiencing throbbing in the forehead. In the morning, I think nothing happened. But, when up on this night, YA ALLAH! I do not know, but one I'm trembling body. Shaking and cold, so that the bone marrow. I can not sleep, I can not think anymore. I cried a mattress on me. Crying is the last time I was thinking that I love him saying. Shaking of a body! I tried to calm himself to sleep, but still not successful. So, I tried to calm the liver recommended prayer. But, pray not think of many things fervently. Like crazy. I cried during the prayer, I bow down in tears when I cry at prayer. I really do not quiet. I prayed to God so that he can be happy with the others if I had nothing. I pray to God that he is always happy in this world if I had nothing. My prayer, just for him. Fear, and fear. Still, after prayers, my heart is absolutely no peace. Try to lie down, not because I fear that later when I was asleep at the eyes, tomorrow morning I can not open your eyes. YA ALLAH. I'm really scared at that time. And I'm a fool for a moment, and watch a movie on my computer. When I think back, why should I not go tonight I'm with the other prayers for the sins and forgive all, but you can also watch the movie. Surely a little silly and mind as well as my brain is. I watched the movie until the morning, and I find, I live until now ... Thanks, because God is still prolong the life of me to repent and seek forgiveness in every day life of me.